a change in prophecy

In a complicated financial maneuver, Goldman Sachs today took over
the rights to Earth.

The rangling of the Earth from the Meek began in 1999 with the
repeal of the Glass-Steagall Act. Starting in 2004, predatory
lenders began targeting the Meek, offering unheard-of deals on
home loans. The Meek - unaware their inheritance would be used
as collateral - then began foreclosing on their homes at a
dramatic pace. Last week, the threshold was passed, giving
Goldman Sachs a plus-50% holding of the planet at the time of
their deaths.

"Once again Goldman Sachs has proven to be a leader in world
markets, in this case literally," said Former Goldman Sachs CEO
Henry Paulson. "The economy and the planet are in better hands
with Goldman Sachs."

For the most part, reaction from the Meek has been mostly muted.
"Meh, whatever," said Noted Meek Tim Johnson of Tupelo, Miss.
"I never expected to see that inheritance anyway."

Goldman Sachs announced the opening of a new division called
simply "The Planet." The Planet will be publicly traded, with
shares of the Earth available for $87.45 at the IPO to be held
later this week.